


The Lucky Six

by GiaUrsula



Category: Final Destination (Movies)
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Codependency, Coming of Age, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Odd Friendships, POV Second Person, Road Trip, Second Chances, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dark but hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 03:38:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiaUrsula/pseuds/GiaUrsula
Summary: What if Final Destination hadn't been a horror film? What if it was just six teenagers trying to cope with survivor's guilt and trauma?The six of them all tried to cope in their own destructive ways, both isolated away from and drawn to each other. Tod and Alex try to navigate their new relationship and unresolved feelings and make sense of life after the crash.





	The Lucky Six

**Author's Note:**

> So here I go writing for a dead fandom again...
> 
> Anyway, I created this after watching the film because I thought that without the horror element that Final Destination would actually be a really good drama so I created this and good lord did it turn out longer than I thought it would.
> 
> I think the setting in the film is NY but I have kept it vague as to where in NY. I also don't know how American school terms work so the story roughly begins like a few months after the crash, then at the roadtrip it's probably getting close to a year.

_‘’You alright?’’ Tod asked him._  

 _Alex nodded tight lipped and Tod knew his friend’s fear of flying was getting to him. So did his brother judging by the secret concerned looks they exchanged._  

 _Little did they know how their friend’s panic attack and subsequent fight with Carter would be the difference between life and death._  

* * *

_Tod could admit, even as he told Carter to shut the fuck up and lay off his best friend, that there was a tiny part of him annoyed at how Alex’s attack had led to them being thrown off the plane. Even now they were fighting while Alex was still gasping for breath. Whether that was from being winded or still being panicked, he wasn’t sure but what he did know for sure was that he wanted to separate the two._  

 _Ms_ _Lewton_ _held him back and told him to let the security guards do their jobs._  

 _The quiet disbelieving ’'Oh shit!’’ from Billy was the only warning beacon they had._  

 _One that seemed so insignificant before the glass shattered and their lives along with it._  

* * *

‘’It’s just a dream.’’ a soft voice murmured in his ears.  

Tod was aware he was wrapped around a solid warmth and clung to it’s comfort. Eventually the voice sounded familiar and he blinked his eyes open. 

‘’Alex?’’ 

‘’I’m here.’’ he confirmed, ‘’I’m here.’’ 

Tod rubbed at his face and sat up, looking around the room as he did. It had become more familiar to him than his own. Ever since Tod came home without George, his relationship with his parents had become strained. Tod himself knew he wasn’t the same without his twin. He’d never put much emphasis on the twin bond when George was alive but now it was gone, he understood. It felt like a half of him was missing and he didn’t know how to fill the void. 

The closest to doing that was being with Alex. He knew leaning on a cracking foundation would only hold for so long before everything collapsed but Tod couldn’t cope without him. 

He’d tried to in the early days, back when his parents believed that Alex’s panic attack meant he’d had some premonition that should have somehow saved George like it had him. He had kept his distance because he was terrified of disappointing the only family he had left which now felt much less secure than it had before. His parents argued, George wasn’t here and Tod was left alone with his thoughts. Guilty thoughts that attacked him with the bite of a viper, ones that questioned what made him so worthy to live when it had been George who had actually told him to check on Alex.

George should be here and Tod should be the one who was dead. 

Whether he should be dead didn’t make much of a difference anymore. He had wanted to die and almost did. Tod tried to hang himself but panicked at the last moment and cut himself loose with the scissors he had left close by. He laughed now, he supposed he couldn’t have meant it all that much if he’d left them so close by.

Without any shame Tod had ran to Alex.  

He should have had more pride. By all rights, Alex should have shut the door in his face after he abandoned him and left him to become the school’s walking ghost story. Tod was too tired for pride when he felt the first inklings of life return to his bones as Alex welcomed him into the Browning house, the house he hadn’t left since. 

He supposed he should care more that he can only be happy with Alex. That without him he becomes anxious and deprived. That his own company irritates him more than it should.  

Tod had always been a bit of class clown and had entertained them all with his off-beat humour. Nowadays his humour was too sharp and cynical for people to laugh at. It was self-deprecating and pitiful and Tod hated that he didn't know how else to do express himself anymore. 

‘’What time is it?’’ Tod eventually asked, realising he must have been distracted for a while judging by the concerned look on Alex’s face. He both hated and treasured the way his best friend watched over him.  

Alex looked over to the alarm clock on his side, ‘’A little before seven.’’ 

Tod gave a weak smile, ’’No point in trying to fall back. May as well start to get ready for school?’’ 

‘’You feel up for it today?’’ 

‘’No.’’ he answered honestly, ‘’But I need to graduate for the ones who couldn’t, you know?’’ 

 _Because all I owe are these people to live my life to the fullest._  

He never thought he would agree with Carter but the sentiment was hard for Alex to ignore. He felt sometimes felt that obligation was the only thing that kept him going through the weird glances at school, the nightmares, the flashbacks and the gnawing guilt. Other times he thought he relied on Tod more than either of them knew.  

* * *

 

As soon as they entered the halls, people were staring. They found over the months it had gotten less consistent. The two of them had been sent to the principal’s office multiple times for fighting, of course the school never punished them the way they should have because everyone pitied the so called ‘'Lucky Six’’.  

None of them ever seemed to get punished or even paid attention. They were like statues left to rot in the background because no one knew what to do with them so they just awkwardly stared over at them every once in a while just to check that they hadn’t committed suicide yet. Or again in the case of Tod. 

The bell rung and they went to class. They still hadn’t gotten used to the absence of familiar faces. Some of them they did know, the ones in French class who had cursed their luck not to get a spot on the Paris trip now stared at them like they physical reminders of a fate well avoided. 

A fate they had barely avoided themselves. 

In all honesty, Tod and Alex didn’t focus on the level they knew they should. They averaged C’s for the most part, sometimes D’s and on good days they managed B’s. 

There was a sick sense of pride that they hadn’t entered the paths of Billy and Carter. 

Even sat just a desk away, Carter brimmed with resentment beneath the surface. While most of them had become numb, Carter had become angry and drunk. He was always drunk, it had become his default state. He managed to stay sober enough to get through the day, after that the hours were spent at the bottom of bottles.  

It seemed so odd to Tod that Terry and Carter who had seemed unbreakable were now teetering on thin ice. She tried her best to help him but it was painful to watch her broken expression when he turned her away time and time again. She had cried on Tod’s shoulder as she had anyone of them who would let her. 

Billy meanwhile had taken a similar route to Carter and chosen addiction. He was always high and Tod almost envied him. Once or twice he’d been tempted to take a toke of whatever Billy smoked or snorted or shot up that day until Tod considered that he couldn’t handle the lows he already had sober. Whatever reprieve he would gain wouldn’t mean shit when the comedown destroyed him. 

Clear had always been one for her own company but she tried to be closer to Alex. Tod didn’t mind Clear until she began spouting her supernatural theories that would draw Alex into himself and piss Tod off. Alex already had his own guilt without her needing to add stupid ideas in his head that his panick attack that day was anything other than what it was.  

They Lucky Six were an odd group. They were both feared and pitied by others and themselves. None of them really liked each other all that much: Tod and Alex clung together while Clear and Billy remained on the fringes. Terry seemed to be the most attached to them all while Carter tried to pull back the hardest. There was a bond between them all. Links interwoven underneath the skin that held them altogether and could never be broken.

Occasionally they would meet in front of the memorial statue. It would be cold as hell and Carter would complain the entire time how stupid being here was whilst also never making the move to leave. They would talk and sometimes it was about the crash. Most of the time it would be meaningless updates on each other’s lives. They weren’t close but Tod figured that it helped to hear that things could maybe get better for each other. 

It wasn’t surprising that was where they ended up later that night. 

Terry and Carter were always the first there. Billy was always the last. Tod always found it interesting that he tended to be sober at the gatherings more often than not. 

‘’I’ll be visiting the UCLA campus after exams.’’ Terry contributed and it struck Tod as an odd feeling at the idea of any of them having a future, somewhat hopeful but still afraid. 

‘’Road trip?’’ Billy guessed when she looked anxious. 

She nodded her head. They all understood it. 

‘’Maybe you guys could come with?’’ she suggested, Carter stiffening by her side. 

Tod looked to Alex, his first instinct nowadays when something new was brought to table. Their silent conversations that had increased more than they had in the entire time they had known each other.

‘’It could be good for us.’' Clear contributed, ‘’Hit the bars. Relax a little before we go to college.’’ 

‘’Oh can we all please stop pretending!’’ 

Everyone looked at Carter, rather resentful for his attitude. 

‘’It was just an idea...’’ Alex defended, Carter sharply turned his attention to him. 

He scoffed harshly, ‘’Maybe focus on your own girlfriend and leave mine alone.’’ 

Tod got up instantly ready to swing when he felt Alex’s hand on his shoulder push him down. He glared at him but remained stone faced, the entire group staying in silence waiting for the moment to pass. 

‘’I’d be up for it.’’ Billy piped up, gaining everyone’s attention unexpectantly, ‘’Anything beats this place.’’ 

‘’Me too. Never wanted to leave a shithole so bad in my life.’’ Alex spat out, much more bitterly than he realised. Tod was startled by it but tried to hide that as well as he could. He couldn’t say the thought of running away hadn’t crossed his mind either. 

‘’It could be a good time...’’ Terry suggested carefully, pulling herself closer to Carter. 

He looked at her evenly and shrugged, ‘’Maybe.’’ 

They continued talking idly about their senior road trip. Where they could stay, how many cars they would take, how much it would cost and what they would take. It was an excited conversation muted by an undercurrent of disbelief that this was the new path they had taken. 

It seemed so weird to place it as their sign off event to their time at school when that’s what Paris was meant to be. Tod, Alex and George running wild trying to seduce all the wide eyed French girls before they all split in their different directions, all vowing to keep in touch. 

But instead this was their goodbye to the town they grew up in amongst people they had barely talked to before and the last summer where they could be care free. As care free as the Lucky Six could be. 

* * *

They were getting dressed for the night. They slept in the same bed every night. When one of them couldn’t sleep, the other stayed up with them. 

Tod had initially slept in the guest room but his screams often woke the house up. Then he slept on an airmattress in Alex’s room but once or twice when nightmares left them both sweating and gasping for air, they ended up sleeping together.  

Tod hadn’t thought much of it at the time. Whether they were crossing boundaries didn’t cross his mind, he just wanted comfort any way he could get it. Back before the crash he would have laughed at Alex and accused him of wanting to get into his pants but now he just held onto him tighter.  

He could tell Mr and Mrs Browning thought it was strange. He remembered waking up to see Barbara staring at his head on her son’s chest as she came looking for stray clothes dumped on the floor, only to find something much more unexpected. Later on that day, he saw Ken’s eyes staring at the lack of space between him and Alex. His frayed nerves didn’t take the inspection well and he shifted closer to Alex unapologetically, stone cold look on his face in a way that made Ken flinch.  

Tod still felt bad about that, he had always liked Ken and Barbara since he was a child when he, George and Alex would terrorise their halls with excited screaming and the heavy thumps of boyish roughhousing. He should have been more considerate but his pain had clouded him back then more than it does now and it made him selfish, only caring for his own relief. Nothing mattered but him and Alex, everyone else could go to hell. 

‘’Do you think of college?’’ he finally said, lingering next to the bed Alex was already in. 

Alex looked at him carefully only to hide his eyes away and stare down at his lap nervously. Tod lifted the covers and sat close enough to feel the heat of his thighs against his knees. 

Eventually, after what seemed like much silent deliberation, Alex shrugged, ‘’I don’t know.’’ 

But Tod knew him too well.  

‘’Yes you do.’’ 

Tod expected him to look surprised but instead Alex looked at him like he somehow knew he wouldn’t be convincing. 

‘’I erm... I’ve been thinking about Boston lately.’’ 

Tod frowned, ‘’That’s... I thought that was your safety college?’’ 

‘’It was but now I don’t much feel like sticking around here.’’ 

Tod scratched at his cheek, ‘’Yeah. I get that.’’ 

‘'What about you?’’ 

Now wasn’t that a question. 

‘’It’s going to sound dumb...I don’t want to stay but I don’t feel ready to leave. I definitely don’t want to stay here for the rest of my life but for now, I’m not feeling too adventurous. Not to mention I probably won’t be able to afford college now my parents and I aren’t on speaking terms.’’ 

Alex winced and Tod gave a bitter laugh. 

‘’I’ve told you a million times Alex it has nothing to do with you.’' 

‘’You can’t deny that-’’ 

‘’- It has nothing to do with you.’’ he repeated, ‘’I still love them, I just can’t stand their company right now and I don’t think they’re all that fond of me either.’' 

He bit at his lip. Alex had already seen him cry too many times before. 

‘'Maybe it will change some day...’’ Alex suggested hopefully. 

Tod smiled, ‘’Maybe. But right now being with you is what I need.’’ 

There was a pause in which Tod saw Alex’s hand apprehensively inch towards his. He closed the space between them and held his palm in his. Tod supposed he should be more shocked but instead it seemed more like a gradual realisation over time that maybe there was something decidedly not straight beneath the surface of their co-dependency. 

‘’But I could be leaving for Boston. Unless...’' 

Tod squeezed his hand and smiled gently, ‘’Don’t you dare. You’re not using me as an excuse to not go.’’ 

‘’But what about you? What are you going to do?’’ 

‘’I’ve been looking at leaflets for associate degrees. There’s a nearby community college I’m considering. It’ll take longer to qualify as an EMT but at least it’ll be affordable.’’ 

‘'You want to be a Paramedic?’' 

‘’I want to give back. I think I owe them that.’’ he put simply. Before the crash he’d wanted to go into the world of technology and used to spend weekends taking apart computers and looking at their parts and figuring out how they worked but now it seemed so inconsequential and silly. 

‘'Where are you going to live?’’ 

‘’Probably back with my parents. I’m not sure.’' 

‘'My parents-’’ 

‘’-Have already done too much for me.’’ He could tell Alex wanted to protest that but Tod saved him the trouble, ‘'I’m tired. Let’s go to sleep.’’ 

Alex took the out and they shut off the light. Tod gripped onto Alex closer that night than usual. 

* * *

‘’Maybe we should stop here to eat?’’   Cl ear suggested.

The car was rather stuffy with all six of them in there and they all gave a collective agreement. The journey to California was harder than they had thought.

Terry was driving at the moment but they were all on a rotation. That is apart from Carter and Billy. Billy nonchalantly informed them that he had his own special stash of Hash that he would be bringing with him whilst everyone else tried to subtly tell Carter he couldn’t stay sober long enough to drive. He accepted it begrudgingly. He could handle his alcohol usage well during the day, his tolerance had gotten stronger and it took around the evenings for him to become crabby or for his words to start slurring.

Carter had began to drink less than usual. Not by much and it was very much baby steps but no one had the heart to tell Terry otherwise.

They were currently two days into their journey and it would roughly take another two before they would arrive in California. They’d just come off the Route 70 heading to Arvada where they all decided they needed a break. They agreed to stay in the car for the most part of the day and have their meals in the evenings to get there as soon as possible. After that they had four hour rotations during the night.

They all moaned as they got out of the car.

‘’I can’t feel my legs.’’ Billy groaned.

Carter gave a scoff, ‘’With all that shit you smoking there isn’t any wonder.’’

‘’Hey man just because you have a different choice of drug doesn’t make you any better than me.’’ Billy shrugged.

Carter merely rolled his eyes and looked away.

* * *

 

They settled into a restaurant. Arvada was a nice town and they’d had a stroll through it, coming across a nice burger place and deciding to settle down.

‘’I still think we should get a motel for the night.’'  Cl ear said, ‘’We need to freshen up.’’

Terry laughed, ‘’Yeah. It feels like forever since I had a shower. Especially in such a tight space with you guys.’’

‘'Not to mention you fucking stink Billy.’’ Tod laughed. The others joined in because it was true. 

Billy tended to wander away from them from a while because no one wanted to get a second hand high if they were driving. Of course there wasn’t any hiding the smell of whatever it was he’d gone to have.

‘’Hey fuck you man.’' but Billy’s tone was light enough that the mood didn’t get ruined. He just happy to be in the moment.

‘’She has a point.’’ Alex conceded, ‘’Only issue is money. Who has it?’’

‘’I have a hundred dollars.’’  Cl ear answered and Carter hushed her.

‘’You trying to get us jumped?’'

‘’In Denver?’’ she snorted.

Everyone came to the conclusion that they had enough to get three doubles if they went to the cheaper motel the waitress suggested or they could afford two rooms at a halfway decent hotel about a 30 minute drive the other way.

Which led to the question of who was sharing.

‘’Well obviously me and Terry, Alex and his twin-’’ Carter stopped abruptly through the joke, visibly wincing as he looked at Tod and realised the painful reminder he’d given, ‘’-which means  Cl ear you get the short straw.’’

‘’I can’t share a bed with him!’’

‘’Well thank you for the confidence boost.’’ Billy  drolled sarcastically.

‘’Carter will share with him and I’ll share with you.’’

‘’What? Terry no!’’

‘’Carter we can separate for one night can’t we?’’ Carter said nothing and Terry  proceeded like that was an admitted defeat.

After that they all settled into conversation. For a group of people who weren’t supposed to be friends, they all got along quite well. Even Carter relaxed and enjoyed their company, dropping the sullen act and openly laughing when Billy shoved breadsticks up his nose. 

Billy and  Cl ear were unique in the way that they hadn’t had solid friendship bonds before. Billy was close to one friend who then moved away and he never learned how to make new ones.  Cl ear had always been a little on the oddball side because of her obsession with the occult and the paranormal so not many people had gone out of their way to befriend her.

But now both of them were on a road trip with friends laughing in hysterics as they all told each other all their embarrassing stories. It made Tod feel at odds to think that maybe something good could have happened out of something so terrible.

With that  mindset as the evening started to wind down, he made a point about making a speech.

‘’Oh boo!’’ they chanted half heartedly, a couple chuckles drawn when Billy threw a napkin at him and Tod gave his own laugh before getting serious.

‘’I just  wanna say that...’’ he paused, not wanting to ruin the mood but also feeling it was important to be addressed, ‘’I’m happy. For us. We’ve been through the shit this year and it’s nice to think we could get to this point where we could laugh again. I didn’t think I would.’’ he confessed.

They all looked rather  sombre at the admission but he could tell they all felt the same sentiment.

He raised his cup, ‘’To the unlucky thirty three.’’

They all joined in. It was a sad moment but it didn’t hurt. It was more like gentle wave of acknowledgment washing over them that the past was the past and maybe one day, it wouldn’t feel like a hole in their chest.

Cl ear went to soda machine and Alex took it as an opportunity to talk to her alone away from the others. He left Tod to get ready for bed and told him he’d left something in the car.

He approached her slowly but she still startled, quickly  dissolving into laughter when she realised it was him.

‘’Sorry about that.’’ he apologised. ‘’Hey can I talk to you about something? Something  kinda serious?’’

She frowned at him looking concerned, ‘’ Erm sure.’’

They both sat on a bench underneath the neon vacancy sign. She opened her can with a crisp clack and took a sip.

‘’So what is it?’’ she asked.

‘’Are you leaving New York?’’

She looked down at the can in her hands.

‘'No.’’ she answered quietly, ‘’Sounds dumb but I don’t want to leave my dog. He’s the only thing that’s got me through all of this lately.’’

He nods, ‘’I get that.’’

‘’Why do you ask?’’

‘’Tod’s staying behind. He’s not leaving.’’

‘’But you are...’' she guessed.

‘’To Boston.’’  he confirmed, ‘’Hopefully. See I just don’t think I could go if... if I didn’t know he was taken care of.’’

Cl ear looked to him, kind and considerate, ‘’Does he know you love him?’’

He froze, not knowing how to respond.

‘’I don’t know if I love him.’’ Alex answered honestly, ‘’I don’t know if us ever becoming a thing would be because of what happened. I mean before the crash we’d had... moments where I’d think that maybe something could happen but it never did.’’ 

She nodded, clearly listening and thinking about his predicament. She then gave a small laugh that confused him,  ‘’You know I used to have a crush on you.’'

‘'No shit.’’ he chuckled and she joined in.

‘'It was just before senior year started.’'

‘’Why’d you stop?’’ he asked curiously.

‘’Because you weren’t the only one who saw something going on between you and Tod.’’

He cast his mind back, trying to think how they acted together, what everyone must have thought when her gentle voice and her hand on his shoulder drew him back.

‘’Don’t worry about it. It was just a feeling I had, I get those sometimes. I don’t think anyone else thought the same.’’

‘’That’s err... that’s good.’’

Eventually she felt like she had to ask, ‘’Not to be rude or anything but what were you trying to get at?’’

‘’Would Tod be able to move in with you?’'

She looked at him blankly, ‘’Alex....’’

‘’He’d help pay rent.’’ he insisted, ‘’I know he would. He’d get a part-time job and pay you back, clean the house, whatever. He’d be a good roommate to have.’’

Cl ear looked at him and sighed, ‘’I’ll think about it. It might be nice to have some human company in the house for once. I’d need to talk it through with him first to see if it would work.’'

Alex beamed, relief flooding him, ‘’Thank you!’’ he threw his arms around her, the sudden force almost throwing them both off the bench.

‘'Alex!’’ she gasped.

He let her back up and she giggled until her face suddenly took on a more serious tone. Alex realised she was looking behind him and followed her line of sight until he saw Tod stood there.

‘’Sorry to interrupt you two love birds.’' Tod gave a laugh that sounded too hollow, lingering like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what. ’'I’ll err... give you crazy kids your privacy.’’

Tod  retreated to their room and Alex turned his face back to  Cl ear .

‘’Alex. Tell him how you feel.’’ she advised, ‘’Whatever that might be... just tell him.’’

He knew she was right.

* * *

 

When he entered their room, the lamp light was left on the side Tod had left him. He was facing the wall away from him but Alex knew he was awake because he didn’t fall asleep if they weren’t in the same bed.

Or maybe he could. They hadn’t tested the idea in a long time.

He sat on the bed and listened to the springs creak, trying to find the words to say when Tod stopped him.

‘’It’s fine Alex.’'

Alex heard a slight sniffle in his voice. He had taken his time before coming back to the room and it made him wonder if Tod had been crying.

‘'Tod look at me.’' he begged and Tod finally sat up and turned to look at him. Now Alex knew he’d been crying.

‘’What are we doing here?’’ he put forward simply.

Tod answered him honestly, ‘'I don’t know.’’

Alex dared to shuffle closer to him.

‘’There’s something I haven’t told you yet. It’s about George.’'

Immediately Tod's heart panicked and internally he wanted to hysterically demand what it was but his lack of energy meant he stayed silent.

‘’Do you remember the party? The one at Christa and Blake’s house?’’

Tod nodded, not really knowing where he was going with this.

‘’We  erm ... we all got pretty drunk. We played spin the bottle if you remember.’’

‘’Yeah. I remember...’’ Tod said sullenly, looking back on the memory and realising in that circle of ten people, only two were still alive.

‘’Well you kissed Christa at one point when it landed on you.’’

‘’You walked out after that.’’ he recalled, ‘’No one knew where you were until George brought you back about a half hour later.’’

‘’Right. I left because.... because I...’' he paused, his heart thumping across his chest with his pulse loud in his ears. This moment had been nearly two years in the making. ‘'I realised I felt something for you that night. Something more than friendship and I freaked out.’’

‘’Even back then?’’ Tod questioned, hating how quiet and desperate his voice was.

Alex nodded and continued, ‘’George found me in one of the upstairs bedrooms. He asked me why I ran off like that and I cried. I cried on his shoulder about how I was in love with you and how I knew you’d never feel the same.’’

Tod stared at him in shock, clearly lost for words.

‘’How come you never said anything? You or my brother?’’

‘’Because I was going to tell you in Paris.’’ he confessed and it felt like a stab in Tod’s heart as an unlikeable thought crept into his head that George had told him to get off the plane because he knew his best friend was in love with him. George knew how Alex felt and he knew that Tod would be the only one to calm him down.

And for that his brother died. He wasn’t sure how to react to that. So instead he focused on asking questions.

‘’What did George think about you having feelings for me?’’

‘’I think he felt sorry for me. He kept telling me to tell you. Said you wouldn’t react as badly as I imagined.’’

Tod thought back honestly and brutally as he evaluated how he would have acted. He can’t say it would have been good. Tod had his own creeping thoughts about Alex that had lingered in his mind that he found both confusing and exciting. It wasn’t love yet but he could tell it could be if he allowed it to grow. 

If Alex had presented him with what he wanted, what he really wanted, Tod would have rejected it because he didn’t understand and he didn’t want to want his best friend. Especially if it turned into something he couldn’t walk away from that easy. 

But this was all hypotheticals. Maybe George would have talked some sense into him. His twin knew him better than himself and would have told him to take a chance and not be so stupid.  Maybe George already suspected Tod felt something deeper for Alex.

It doesn’t matter what could have happened because it didn’t and Tod needed to learn how to stop doing that.

‘’And how do you feel now?’’ he dared to ask.

At that moment Alex looked crushed, ’'More than I did before. But I don’t want you to like me back out of any obligation or as part of some sort of fucked up grieving process.’’

Now was the time to be honest, something he struggled to be these days.

‘’I can’t say that isn’t  a  part of it. Let’s be real here Alex, this has made us closer.  Made me rely on you more than I should have during the worst point in my life .’'

Alex’s eyes tightened and his face fell, Tod went out to grab his hand.

‘’I’m not done yet.’' he assured, ‘’You weren’t alone in feeling something before. There was a connection already there but I wasn’t ready to do anything about it. I was scared.’’

He gave a pathetic laugh, ’’But after nearly dying... twice... I’m more scared of not living the life I was blessed to have.’’

Alex came closer and placed his hand on Tod’s cheek. He tilted his head and leaned towards the blonde boy’s mouth. Their lips met and for a moment both of them froze, taking their time to register this was actually happening. After that, repressed feelings came bubbling to the surface. All those times of bitten back remarks and warm moments of comfort they found in each other burst like a dam and teenage passion took them over and made them feel alive.

They hadn’t felt this alive in months. Every moan of pleasure and warm sensations placed them on a hair-trigger. It was all rushed and panicked and pushed and it was exactly what they needed.

Tod unbuckled Alex’s belt eagerly. Alex’s hand stopped him and Tod stayed still.

‘’Are you sure?’' the blonde asked.

Tod drew forward and took a greedy kiss from him, whispering in his ear, ‘’Let me make you feel good.’’

It was what he wanted more than he thought possible. Nothing was more erotic to him at that moment than repaying Alex for everything he’d done for him. To make him fall apart and build him back together just as he had with his patience and his care throughout these months.

Alex nodded and Tod nearly groaned in relief.

He drew up his shirt and kissed down his chest as he pulled down his pants. Tod felt at his bulge and was happy to feel it hard. It was just the beginnings of an erection and Tod resolved to make Alex sing.

Tod supposed he should register that he was now doing something very gay that he never would have expected himself to be doing but he let Alex slide into his mouth eagerly and the thoughts were soon yanked away. However Tod would have reacted in the past didn’t matter because this was what he wanted now.

He was sloppy and enthusiastic, one or two times a little too much when he gagged harshly. Alex kept insisting through breathless pants not push himself but Tod ignored it, part masochism and part determination to make this the best damn blowjob of Alex’s life.  Every new little technique that made the other boy’s breath hitch or produced low groans, Tod catalogued in his mind and used them at every opportunity, throwing out whatever seemed to work.

Eventually it did and Tod tried to swallow everything Alex gave him but he choked a little on it and a dribble of semen came out the side of his mouth inelegantly. He felt kind of gross. The sensation was rather syrupy on the inside of his throat and the taste was an odd one he couldn’t pinpoint as anything other than salty.

Still, he caught his breath as he flopped down on the bed next to Alex. He  observed the red blush across his cheeks and neck and it gave Tod the abrupt realisation that he was rock hard. Alex soon realised too, unzipping his pants and pulling out his cock. He began tugging on it and Tod gave him instructions on how he liked to be touched, the right way to pull back the foreskin and twist upwards in his fists with just that right amount of tightness. It wasn’t long before his toes curled and he saw white.

He laid there and chuckled as Alex got up to the bathroom to clean off his hand and Tod’s chest where his cum had scattered.

Tod made room for him  and they ended up lying face to face, just staring at one another. It was a little awkward so they gave a few low laughs.

“Never thought I'd end up in bed with my best friend.”

“We've been in bed with together for a  while now in case you didn't know.” Tod grinned.

Alex rolled his eyes and Tod laughed.

“You know we’ll have to talk about it eventually?” he pointed out, aware of Tod's tendency to avoid difficult topics.

“I know. ” He  acknowledged ,  fully aware  not  talking about his feelings wouldn't work anymore, “ But right now, I'd like to enjoy a good night's sleep in an actual bed after napping in a cramped car for the past 2 days.”

Alex wanted to push it just in case Tod lost his nerve and retreated back into shutting out the world again. But he knew he should at least try to give him credit if he was ever going to stop that.

“Okay.” Alex kissed him softly and turned off the lamp.

* * *

 

Throughout the days getting closer to California, Tod had noticed Alex staring at him a lot. The looks were rather indecipherable and it made him nervous. It was only more nerve wracking that Alex seemed to abruptly look away when Tod’s eyes met his. 

Even now when they were all waiting outside the gas station as Terry refilled the car.

_ What if he’d regretted it? _

Tod hadn’t. It felt like the only thing that had made sense in nearly a year. It felt like entering a renewing and vibrant spring after a long winter that had taken so much from them. 

But now things were awkward and every touch felt like it was harming some sort of fragile barrier that had only now been acknowledged now they had hooked up. Tod didn’t like the space between them and he wanted to pull him closer but he also didn’t want to seem desperate. Alex seemed to think he only liked him because of some sort of odd dependency issue and Tod didn’t want to make him think he was right by demanding more attention so now the two just sort of unhappily lingered around each other without any contact or deeper conversation.

‘’Did you guys bang or something back at the motel?’’

Everyone’s heads sprung to Billy’s sudden question as he looked between Alex and Tod. Alex stared open mouthed, looking in disbelief. Tod bit his tongue, irritation soon whipping at him from the invasive question.

‘’What? I’m only saying what everyone else is thinking. You guys have been acting kind of weird ever since.’’

Tod wasn’t dumb. He knew the others had noticed their sudden  offness with one another and it suddenly bothered him that any of them thought it was anyone else’s business but theirs.

‘’I blew him then he jerked me off.’’ Tod said bluntly, his nerves making him lash out, ‘’Is that what you wanted to hear?’’

They all fell silent. He couldn’t take their shocked staring and walked away from the car, his stern eyes urging Alex not to follow him. Alex sat back and banged his head against the  window .

Carter raised his eyebrows and had a grimaced look on his face. ‘’Yikes.’’

Clear shot him an unimpressed look before she spoke, ‘’Did this all happen that night?’’

Alex looked embarrassed by his newly broadcasted sex life and nodded, shrinking further into himself.

‘’Go for  it man.’’ Billy shrugged, ‘’I mean, you guys have practically been together this whole time anyway.’’

‘’It’s more complicated than that.’’ 

Carter snorted, quickly drawing Alex’s attention. He was quick to clarify himself, ‘'How is  it complicated man? You want to be with him?’’

‘’Yes.’’

Carter rolled his eyes at him, ‘’Then go after him dumbass. We have at least another week together and I’m sure as shit not putting up with you two bringing down the mood the entire time.’’

‘’This coming from you?’’ Alex smirked.

Carter broke into a smile and shook his head, ‘’Go get him tiger.’’

He got up and went to look for him, leaving the others to explain their absence to Terry. Eventually he found Tod near the outside bathrooms, stewing against a pale brick wall.

‘’So erm... what was that about?’’

‘’They should mind their own fucking business! None of them would even talk to us before...’’ he trailed off, biting at his fingernails, ‘’I mean if we don’t even know what we are then...’’ words failed him and he just sighed angrily.

Alex stood next him and spoke softly, ‘’So you’re frustrated because we don’t have a label?’’

‘’Well yeah...’’ he answered, ‘’I’m also kind of shitting myself for when I have to tell my parents that I’m gay now.’’

Alex frowned, ‘’I’m sure they’d be okay with it.’’

‘’That maybe.’’ Tod chuckled darkly, ‘’But when I tell them I’m with you... oh boy is that  gonna be a shit storm.’’

‘’You’d do that for me?’’ Alex asked, scarcely believing that Tod was willing to take that kind of heat.

Tod reached out for his hand, ‘’Well, I’d have to be with you first.’’

Tod tried to conceal his hopeful expression. He knew what he wanted now and it taken him so long to get to this point. So many lost opportunities and confused thoughts and feelings that had prevented Tod from being honest with what he wanted. Now he was at this moment in his life he wanted to be at, it felt like looking over a cliff hoping he wouldn’t fall.

‘’If we’re together...’’ Alex began, staring down at their interlinked fingers, ‘’We also need to learn how to be separate as well, because you were right Tod. We rely too much on each other, more than is healthy or normal.’’

‘’I get that. I'm begging you to be patient with me because I’m trying Alex. I am really trying to focus on myself and the future. I still need you.’’ Tod admitted, ‘’I think I always will but now I think I can focus on things outside of us. I actually see a future now, one with you, but one with my own goals too. Does that make sense?’’

‘’Do you think we could survive me going to Boston?’’ Alex asked, suddenly realising that outside a gas station bathroom wasn’t the best place for a serious discussion about their relationship.

Tod chuckled oddly, ‘’I actually think the distance might be good for us. Teach us how to deal without each other. We can still call, text and email each other all the time. You can visit at the holidays.’’

He kissed him quick and shy, pulling back before Alex could register it happening, ‘’I want this Alex but I can’t do this without you.’’

Alex looked at him. 

Tod’s dependence on him and Alex’s lesser reliance had been the primary reason of his restraint for such a long time. His stomach still dropped at the prospect that all of this is the result of some bullshit psychological bonding from the tragedy and that Alex would move away just to get his heart broken when he returned home to find Tod chasing skirt the way he used to.

He was shit terrified and felt like he was running around blind. But then he smiled, remembering that he had been doing so this entire time. Except now Alex actually had the opportunity to run towards some form of happiness in his life rather try to make his way through a maze made of his own fears and issues.

And he was going to take it.

‘’I’m in if you are.’’

The two stole what kisses they could before their impatient friends dragged them away to sunnier prospects.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. I may add more, I have 2 one shot ideas of the future where Tod comes to his parents and a 10 years later update where they all meet up and reflect on the way their lives have gone.
> 
> I fleshed out a lot of their characters as much as I could, especially Tod's with how little screentime he got, as well as give George more of a role as well. I imagine someone who had lost their brother would be a grieving wreck so I addressed that too.
> 
> Tod and Alex's relationship does start as unhealthy but it does resolve into a promise of becoming something much more healthier and happier as they themselves become happier and healthier people.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this, I really enjoyed writing. Comments and criticisms are appreciated :)


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